Untitledfor now
by Ayanna Reese
Summary: Buffy ran away after killing Angel. She comes back after having a prophetic dream about an impending apocalypse. She comes back to find that many things have changed. Will she live long enough to have her friends forgive her? Will she and Angel ge tba


Author's Name: Ayanna Reese

Distribution: If you want it, please take it. Just be kind and let me know where it goes.

Disclaimer: All the characters that you recognize obviously aren't mine, but any you don't probably are, or you have been hiding under a rock.

A/N: This is my second attempt at fiction, the other one was about a year ago that I just got the courage to post today (8/22/03). Please let me know what you think of this one. I think it is much, much better than my first one. Please review, I have no idea how people will react to my story. Thank you for reading my story!

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Los Angeles

Buffy quickly walked to the restaurant she worked at. It wasn't much, just a regular 24-hour diner. She honestly didn't mind the work; it was her life she minded. It had been 5 years since she left Sunnydale. A place that was once home, but now that place was as foreign to her as palm trees to Antarctica. She didn't want to go back, she couldn't go back, not after what happened. She couldn't go back to the place where she murdered her lover. She couldn't go back, because then she'd have to see the spot where she told him to close his eyes and then stabbed a sword through him. She had to do anything she could to forget the look of betrayal in his eyes, the look that asked, "How could you do this to me, I loved you?" Because she couldn't go back she worked as a waitress at Piato's Place for minimum wage which paid for her half of the shared rent.

Once she got to Piato's she mentally sighed. This wasn't how she pictured herself five years ago. But then again, five years ago she hadn't killed her only lover and left her friends to fend for themselves on the Hellmouth.

"Yo, Anne get started I don't pay you to dream," the Piato in Piato's Place yelled across the busy kitchen. 

"Sorry, Let me grab my apron and I'll be right out," Buffy called back. Buffy was Anne now, no reminders of Buffy remained in her life accept for two things, the two most painful things in her life. She had the cross Angel had given her and the claddaugh ring he had given her on her seventeenth birthday. She came to LA with the clothes on her back and the contents of her entire savings account. Those clothes she came with went to Goodwill the minute she could afford new ones. 

Buffy grabbed her apron and went to take an order from table 4. The night passed like every other night. She took orders, dealt with annoying customers, and left the place smelling like grease and smoke. She hated that smell because it never came out. 

While walking home she heard a scream. The Anne in Buffy was tempted to just call the cops from the pay phone and go home, but Buffy had never run from a fight before and she couldn't make herself do it now. She sprinted to the alley and saw exactly what she expected. Two vampires were attacking a young girl, a young girl that Buffy recognized immediately. Buffy silently and efficiently staked the two vampires. Buffy confirmed it was who she thought it was and sighed, it was going to be a long night.

"Anne what the hell were those things and how the fuck did you learn how to kill things like that?" asked Tessa. Tessa was Buffy's roommate. 

"Let's go home and I'll tell you everything," Buffy would tell her about being the slayer and vampires, but not about Sunnydale, no one needed to know about Sunnydale.

"Alright, but I want answers and I want them as soon as we get home," Tessa said a bit shakily. She wasn't quite back to normal, after all she just watched her supposedly meek roommate kill two huge fucked up people without seeming surprised or even breaking a sweat. The two girls walked home in silence. Buffy was thinking about how good it felt to finally get out and slay again. She hadn't patrolled since she got to LA, and the guilt was starting to eat her up. She began to add up numbers in her head, of the number of people she could have saved, but didn't because she was scared. ~No, I'm not scared, it's not my job anymore. I gave up slaying along with Sunnydale. If they need a slayer there is another one. They can call Kendra's replacement if there is a problem. I don't need to slay. I gave up everything I loved for this damn world and I won't do it again~ Buffy thought resolutely in her head. She did feel a slight stab of guilt over Kendra's death.

As they walked in the door Buffy got two mugs and filled them with day old coffee. She popped the mugs in the microwave and told Tessa to take a seat at the kitchen table, which was basically a card table. The two sat down and Buffy told her about being the slayer and all about vampires and demons. Tessa was in awe, her tiny roommate could kill things three times her size no problem. Tessa immediately wanted to help her slay.

"Anne, I want to help. You have the power to really help people here and I want to be a part of it. My life hasn't meant much until this point, but now it really could. I could make a difference in people's lives. I could help you keep children from being orphaned and husbands from losing their wives. I could help you save people," Tessa said purpose showing in her eyes.

"No, Tessa you won't. I'm NOT letting you get hurt. A slayer doesn't have friends, just for that reason. If you went out with me you'd get hurt. Besides you could say I'm not quite a practicing slayer. I don't got out at night looking to save people. I mean, if I see someone who needs help sure I can help with the saving, but I don't do it on a regular basis. I tried that once and I ended up running away to LA. You will not help me and that's final. I'm going to bed. I won't see you tomorrow, I have an early shift and Lisa asked me to pick up hers in the afternoon. Goodnight," Buffy got up and left. She couldn't let Tessa go out with her at night. Hell, she didn't even go out at night. Besides she did that with Willow and Xander. They almost got killed any number of times, she just couldn't be responsible for anyone else. Buffy wouldn't admit to herself that she did miss slaying and that having Tessa around her would be a painful reminder of the friends she left behind. 

Buffy showered and climbed into bed, preparing herself for a night filled with nightmares and harsh reminders of the past.

Buffy walked into her house only to see everything thrown about and broken. Her door had obviously been kicked in. She walked into her room to find it trashed as well, but what disturbed her was the fact that her weapons chest was wide open and completely empty. Everything had been cleaned out of it, except for Mr.Pointy. On instinct Buffy grabbed him and started walking. As she left her room she walked into the 

_old high school library. There were books strewn over every surface. They were all opened to the same subject Armageddon. Every book had the same page shown, in big black gothic print. Buffy could read it clearly. **Armageddon, the end of all the days. A slayer will fall and it will be left to a slayer and her champion to decide the fate of the world. If they fail the world will end, if they succeed the Hellmouth will close for the next millennium. **__Buffy fled the library and came to the mansion. Inside she could see fighting going on. She saw Willow and Xander helping Giles against and impossibly huge demon. She tried to run into help, but was blocked at the door. She screamed and screamed as she watched them all fall, but her screams went unheard. She watched as Jenny appeared beside her. _

_"This will happen, if you do not go home Buffy. Armageddon is coming, and you need to be there to stop it. If you don't go home the world will fall," Jenny said as kindly but forcefully as she could._

_"Don't you see, I can't go home. I killed him; I murdered him after he told me he loved me. I abandoned my friends and I left my watcher without a slayer. I can't go home, not now, not ever. They can handle this, and anyway there is another slayer, she can help," Buffy reasoned._

_"Buffy, did you not see what happened to your friends. They were all killed. There have been five slayers since Kendra. None of them had what it took to save the world, and the current one is no different. She cannot stop this. It is you or no one. It is your choice, I only ask you to make the right one," Jenny drifted away slowly._

_"NOO! Don't go….I have so many questions….You don't understand," Buffy cried._

_"I understand all to well, you will do what you have to. But please, for the sake of the world go home and save it……" Jenny said as she disappeared. Buffy cried out for her again, but she was gone. Buffy took a look in the mansion. What she saw made her sob, there was blood everywhere, and she knew it was the blood of her friends and mentor. At that moment she knew she had to go home, she couldn't run away anymore if it meant the lives of her friends. She already killed her soul mate; she wasn't about to sentence the best friends she ever had to death._

_­­­­­­_Buffy cried out in her sleep loud enough to wake Tessa. Tessa ran into the room to find Buffy shuddering with the power of the sobs ripping through her tiny frame. 

"Anne, what's wrong? What happened?" Tessa asked while walking over to hold her friend in her arms.

"They were dead. They all died and it was my fault. It was all my fault..It was all my fault… I failed," Buffy managed to get out.

"Who died Anne? What is your fault?" Tessa asked confused.

"Willow and Xander, and even Giles. They were all gone," Buffy cried brokenly. Tessa realizing that she didn't know any of those people figured that this must be part of Buffy's past. Tessa just held her until they both fell asleep again. 

When Tessa awoke the next morning every trace of Buffy was gone. Her clothes, makeup, and that little black box she always kept locked. On the card table was a note and the rent for the next 6 months. The note read like this.

_Dear Tessa,_

_I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly, but I have to go home. They need me there. I took all my stuff and left you the rent for the next 6 months. I hope that's enough time for you to find a smaller apartment I'm really sorry for leaving like this, but the world needs me in Sunnydale. Thank you for being my friend and loving me. I love you. I probably will never see you again, but please know that this has nothing to do with you. I just can't run from the past anymore. Stay safe and don't go out after dark. _

_Love,_

_Buffy Anne Summers_

Tessa smiled a watery smile. She was sad to see Anne, no Buffy, go. She was one of the best friends she ever had, but she was happy to see Buffy stop running from the past. It was time for her to go home. It was obvious how unhappy Buffy was. If this would help her Tessa was thrilled. 

"I hope you find what you're looking for, Buffy Anne Summers," Tessa said before getting ready for work.

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Buffy was a nervous wreck the entire two-hour trip. Fortunately the bust was nearly empty, but then again most buses are empty at 5:00 am. Buffy was having second thoughts about going home. She figured that everyone would hate her for leaving. Hell, she hated herself for leaving, but she had no choice. As the bus passed the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign Buffy seriously considered asking the driver to stop and walking back to LA. She forced herself to stay in her seat, even though all she wanted to do was run away from the very place she was headed.

Eventually the bus stopped and Buffy had to make her decision. Buy a ticket back to LA or go home. Since going back to LA wasn't really an option, but she couldn't face going home yet, Buffy went to the only place that she ever felt completely safe, Angel's. She got to the apartment expecting to break in but what she found was an open door. She walked in and Angel's scent immediately overwhelmed her. She dropped her bags, locked the door, and headed to the bed to lay down. She was so emotionally drained that she didn't notice how clean the place was and how the sheets had be recently slept in. 

Angel came back from the library more frustrated than ever. They could find nothing that would explain the increase of vampiric and demonic activity. He knew that it meant something bad, but he didn't know what. He turned his doorknob expecting to walk on in. To his surprise he found it locked. He thought nothing of it figuring that he must have forgotten he locked it. As soon as he unlocked the door he almost tripped over something on the floor. Fearing it was the enemy Angel immediately changed into game face and headed towards the bedroom. Something was nagging his brain, but he wasn't sure what. There was something incredibly familiar about everything. He cleared his mind and tried to focus. He jumped on the thing lying in his bed without thinking.

Buffy reacted to her attacker, by kicking him back and jumping up on the bed in battle stance. Angel looked up from his position on the floor and was shocked.

"Buffy…"

"It's not you, it can't be you. I-I killed you. I told you to close your eyes, I kissed you, a-and then-then I k-k-kiled you. I know I did. I watched you turn to dust. You aren't here. I'm imagining this. You aren't really here," Buffy sank to the bed in a heap crying uncontrollably. Angel acted on instinct and crawled over to her. He moved slowly as not to startle her. He slowly pulled her into his arms and whispered soothing poems to her in Gaelic. He was so surprised to see Buffy that he didn't realize he switched to his native language. Eventually Buffy stopped crying long enough to ask how he got here.

"I woke up in the mansion and didn't know where I was. I was an animal, but Willow found me and took care of me, until I was myself again. God, Buffy where were you? Are you alright?" Angel explained.

"I'm sorry. I'm s-s-oo sorry. I didn't want to kill you. I love you so much, but I had to. The world would have ended. I'm soo sorry. I'll leave now. I know you must hate me. I'll get my stuff and go somewhere else." Before she could get up from his lap Angel grabbed her wrist and kissed her palm. He quickly surprised Buffy by pulling her face to his and kissing her passionately on the mouth. Eventually he pulled back.

"That's how much I hate you. I don't, I never could. I love you more than anything in this world. You had to kill me. You had no choice. And after what I did to you, your friends, and Giles you had a right to kill me. Buffy, I'm sorry for everything I did to you all, especially you. God, Buffy I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me," Angel said in way of response.

"Angel, forgive you! You didn't do anything, it wasn't even you. Even Angelus didn't kill me, but I did kill you. Me, I did it. No one else. I had my soul and everything and I Killed You. You didn't kill me, ever," Buffy tried to reason.

"No, but I killed Miss Calendar didn't I?" Angel said angrily, his eyes flashing gold for a second. Buffy just looked away, until she realized something.

"But that wasn't you, don't you see. You had no control over what Angelus did."

"Maybe not, but Angelus is a part of me. He is I. He will be inside me forever. You don't deserve that," Angel sighed in defeat.

"I don't deserve that!" Buffy said incredulously. "I don't deserve to be here talking to you. I left my friends, my mother, and God only knows how many people I let die in LA. Angel you are better than I am. I don't deserve having you, but I do. I'm going to be selfish right now and say that I want that forever." Buffy said. At this point Buffy is once again exhausted beyond belief and Angel could see that. 

"Buffy, you should go home and get some sleep. We can talk later," Angel tried to reason.

"I can't go home. Mom told me to never come back. I can go if you want, but I can't go home," Buffy said sadly, thinking that Angel really did hate her and couldn't stand to be around her.

"You can stay here if you like, but you still need to sleep," Angel agreed.

"Thanks. Will you stay with me?" Buffy asked, "Just until I fall asleep," she added.

"I would like nothing more," Angel replied. Angel took off his shoes and laid down with Buffy. Her back was spooned up against his chest and it felt like heaven to the both of them. Angel wrapped his hands around her stomach and the two of them fell into the best sleep either of them had gotten since before Buffy's seventeenth birthday.

Thanks for reading. Please review. I may not continue this if I don't think people are interested, or I may finish it, but not post it. It would mean a lot to me if you review or you can even e-mail me at mtlaxgrl@excite.com. THANKS!


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